Plumbing 101

So... when you choose surgery to combat prostate cancer... you get a new friend.
I have politely called my new friend, "Louise." Why this name? Never dated a Louise, do not know of a Louise... it's a safe name!
So my friend, Louise, is also my new plumbing attachment (aka catheter)!
Never had one before and frankly, do not want one in the immediate future as well.
WHAT A HUMBLING EXPERIENCE!
So as I was leaving the hospital, an attractive girl was waiting on the sidewalk... a flirtive glance and smile? Are you serious? How can you be smooth with Louise hanging around your knee? I am certain if the "Fonz" was "cool," then, me with Louise has to be dreadfully out of the mainstream!
How compelling is the clear plastic bag colored by urine held by white velcro and a green spout? I do not ever recall a song that stated, "I'm too sexy for my catheter!"
Perhaps, I should write one...how about... "what condition is your urine in?"
In my dark and murky past, I remember distinctively that at one time a "bag" had a drug connotation and a "hose" had some trival significance with Welcome Back Kotter's "up your nose with a rubber hose!" Little did I realize it would come to this!
The only advantage... first time in 20+ years that I have not had to get out of bed to go to the bathroom!
God has a sense of humor and uses me as an experiment everyday!
Me and Louise are out of here!