If I had to choose one word right now, less than 14 hours away from surgery... it would be... "confusion."
Prostate cancer cuts to the heart of a man's identity by hitting square on their masculinity and sexuality. In discussions with other men, I can best describe it as "involuntary celibacy." Basically, we guys are totally involved and invested in our sexuality. If we are not thinking about sex, we are thinking about thinking about sex! It is a genetic drive placed in us. From puberty to now, we are programmed by society and our own actions to progeny. At every moment and every turn, we guys are bombarded, engulfed and overcome with pervasive sexual messages and cues leading to lust and debauchery... all in the name of testosterone.
So, is it any wonder that I am having difficulty overcoming 50+ years of "maleness" in one surgical moment? Tomorrow, I will be reprogrammed...I expect my body to be different but my Spirit to remain intact... God has a plan... Stay tuned!
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