Neglected by Blessing

If you had not noticed, I've been negligent in writing to this blog.
Appears that the relief of combating cancer has tinged my mind. Reverted me to other patterns.
Now that I have an answer for prayer, I guess there is no longer a need for a miracle?
Based on my personal reaction, that indeed is the case... what a thankless lot I am!
Here I am in the midst of personal triumph and in my hubris, I neglect everything else around me, how self-centered am I? Against Him, I have sinned!
It only proves what I already know... God I need you as a Savior... every moment of my life!
Apart from Him, I would be nothing. In Jesus Christ, I am and can become more than I imagine.
But how jaded am I... to receive grace and then turn away...
I now know what Paul meant... "in my weakness, I am made strong!"
Like Samson, a clean bill of health has dissipated my strength...
Lord Jesus, forgive me of presuming receipt of your grace.

Relief: The Blessing

Yesterday was the day!
Forever I will remember August 20 as the day I fought a battle and won!
It turns out that my prostate removal eradicated all the cancer.
Several follow-up tests to follow, but looks like the storm is over.
What a relief! Whew!
I am so blessed... but what if it turned out the other way?
For thousands of people, the prognosis from cancer is very disimilar from mine.
I pray today for those people... keep on fighting.
The term 'survivor' is often batted around... today, I am one!

The Grace of Good Health

So, as you lay there in a hospital bed that you cannot get out, attached to IV's, and allowed only to chew ice chips, have you ever asked yourself the following question: What if this is as good as it gets?
As we age, the probably for a major disease or injury increases. A broken hip? God forbid, a car accident? Diabetes? Heart disease? COPD? The prospects for the future seem dim.
I recall once hearing that children that are chronically sick, do not know they are sick because they only being sick as a way of life.
So, what if this is as good as it gets?
Then, I reach within, say a prayer and thank God for the grace he has bestowed on me called "good health!"
What a blessing good health is... Thank you Jesus!

Plumbing 101

So... when you choose surgery to combat prostate cancer... you get a new friend.
I have politely called my new friend, "Louise." Why this name? Never dated a Louise, do not know of a Louise... it's a safe name!
So my friend, Louise, is also my new plumbing attachment (aka catheter)!
Never had one before and frankly, do not want one in the immediate future as well.
WHAT A HUMBLING EXPERIENCE!
So as I was leaving the hospital, an attractive girl was waiting on the sidewalk... a flirtive glance and smile? Are you serious? How can you be smooth with Louise hanging around your knee? I am certain if the "Fonz" was "cool," then, me with Louise has to be dreadfully out of the mainstream!
How compelling is the clear plastic bag colored by urine held by white velcro and a green spout? I do not ever recall a song that stated, "I'm too sexy for my catheter!"
Perhaps, I should write one...how about... "what condition is your urine in?"
In my dark and murky past, I remember distinctively that at one time a "bag" had a drug connotation and a "hose" had some trival significance with Welcome Back Kotter's "up your nose with a rubber hose!" Little did I realize it would come to this!
The only advantage... first time in 20+ years that I have not had to get out of bed to go to the bathroom!
God has a sense of humor and uses me as an experiment everyday!
Me and Louise are out of here!

Dreaming for you!

Dreams...
I heard today that kids that do not have dreams and goals have a high likelihood of getting into addictive behaviors. Out of boredom? Perhaps... but the reality... dreams drive us into action, make us who we are.
When you were young, what did you dream that you wanted to be?
Did you envision such a thing just because or were you really driven by them?
Education attainment empowers you to get closer to your dreams.
Supportive friends and family keep you grounded and helps you sift through the right and the wrong of your dream decisions.
Are you a dream-maker? or just a dreamer?
Even more prestigious, are you a dream-giver?
How powerful a concept that people around you admire you so much that you inspire them to dream... to model who you are... one can only dream!
Dreams to be a good father, mother, worker, contributor, or something more altruistic...
How about the following dream...
Dreaming of greeting God and all those who have passed before and finding out how all those prayers worked?
As I pray for people, I hold onto this dream... that one day, I will find out the power of my prayers and the results of those prayers. As I come to the gates of heaven.. to be greeted by all those whom I prayed... in one loud chorus of appreciation... to welcome me...
Prayer... one action with a huge eternal impact driven by a hope.
I pray because I dream.

I'm Home... in the Everlasting Arms!

Surgery complete.
Back at home... life has changed...the battle with cancer has occurred...
Will it win the war?... Must rely on the prayers and grace God has bestowed...
When I was going under by anesthesia... I had but one thought...
"Jesus, I trust you"... to think one day... I will close my eyes... and I will find out the power of these words... and that is the day I release my Spirit... into His everlasting arms...
cancer really does force you into reconcilement... with God... Jesus... heaven... hell ... "for you know not the time nor the hour..."

Approaching confusion

If I had to choose one word right now, less than 14 hours away from surgery... it would be... "confusion."

Prostate cancer cuts to the heart of a man's identity by hitting square on their masculinity and sexuality. In discussions with other men, I can best describe it as "involuntary celibacy." Basically, we guys are totally involved and invested in our sexuality. If we are not thinking about sex, we are thinking about thinking about sex! It is a genetic drive placed in us. From puberty to now, we are programmed by society and our own actions to progeny. At every moment and every turn, we guys are bombarded, engulfed and overcome with pervasive sexual messages and cues leading to lust and debauchery... all in the name of testosterone.

So, is it any wonder that I am having difficulty overcoming 50+ years of "maleness" in one surgical moment? Tomorrow, I will be reprogrammed...I expect my body to be different but my Spirit to remain intact... God has a plan... Stay tuned!

Sprinkle hope with love and lots of faith!

What is most disturbing about cancer is not the questions, but the questions not asked!
I have been blessed in the last few months to be able to discover those friends who sincerely love me and give me strength. Of equal concern, are those who politely dismiss me in verbal trivilaties.Unfortunately, there is a strong correlation between those with faith versus those on the margins of faith, or no faith at all.

My brothers and sisters with faith have been awesome. The prayers and the words of encouragment have been a monumental blessing. However, to those with little or no faith, my cancer appears to be a rock in the middle of the road that is best left for someone else to remove. No emotion, no response, in most cases, "sorry to hear that!"
Frankly, I don't want you to be sorry, I want you to realize what this world needs is more love not pity! Rather than running away from the issue because you feel uncomfortable, I want you to feel something... if not compassion and empathy at least take your emotional paralysis and admit it! I want you to realize that but by the grace of God, the same thing could happen to you. Once you encounter this realization and embrace it, you will be forced to respond. Apart from it, you will be cold, callous, selfish and lifeless!

In an ideal world, the response I wish from you is hope mixed with your love and lots of faith!
I don't need your pity or cliches... I need you to be hopeful. I need you to reach beyond your own comfort level and acknowledge that we all are placed in this world for a purpose. If by coincidence, my purpose is for your faith to get jump-started by my cancer, then I accept it!
If my cancer is to propel you out of a comfort zone to a response, I accept it.

My personal prayer is for you to acknowledge that we were put on this earth for the same purpose... to give glory to the God who created us! Failing to acknowledge each other does not bring glory to God. Without your hope, love and faith touching my hope, love and faith, you coast aimlessly in a world that perpetrates illusion and delusion to the peril of your soul.

I may have cancer, but for you my agnostic and doubting friend, my Spirit is soaring. I pray that you receive that same Spirit. Afterall, it could be the very purpose of my cancer to bring glory to God by your conversion... therefore, I sprinkle hope with love and lots of faith!

Nothing like Cancer...

Have you noticed that people who go through maladies or disease (dis-ease) have radically changed the way they view things? No matter how much you think you got it together, nothing (and I mean nothing!) changes your perspective like a good dose of cancer!
The best way of describing it is to compare it to war. When you are in a war, you expect to be shot at and there will be casualties. Cancer is the same... the problem for me is that in my selfish pride, I never expected to get shot at!
Suddenly, you are struck with the prospect of your own immortality! If you get cancer and you're not shaken to the core of your identity with the future possibilities (or lack of possibilities) then there's time for a spiritual awakening... it's only a prayer away!
I could not nor would I want to be going through this process without my faith in my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. My constant prayer has been since my first weird test indicating an issue... "Jesus, I trust in you!" (Thank you St. Faustina!)
Tomorrow, I lay my life before my Lord and let the capable hands of a surgeon bring me to health. Jesus, I trust in you!

I do this... just because...

Howdy to all!
I begin this adventure just two days prior to the most significant choice I have had to make in several years! I will attempt to write about those things that move and inspire me as I go through the surgery and recovery process from prostate cancer.
It is here that I will try to be real, authentic and genuine... in the hope that my faith christened in love will penetrate your bone and marrow and clench your Spirit to the glory of God!